Ta-da-da-da…psss…ta-da-da-da…the raindrops are trying to get into my room by playing a sad and repetitive melody. Neither I regard them, nor complain about the weather in The Hague.
I mean, it is not gonna change anyway.
I mean, why would it, just for you?
So I am sitting with my window half-open (so there is still fresh air AND not too cold) and sipping my home-made cocktail (passion-fruit liquor mixed by the milk skimmer with aloe vera zero drink). TV is on and I jump from BBC to MTV not to miss anything important. Being out of the track is not what I want, thank you.
My room is small and supposed to be cozy one day. Well I just moved in, about 3 months ago and there is pretty much representing myself – Alice in Wonderland poster, yellow stickers with Dutch vocabulary I am trying to learn, loads of soft toys, Audrey Hepburn portrait and a pink flower in the pot, all things are in some order (well, the bed is covered with a black silk and overall perfect, while make-up an books are in kind of intended chaos – I mean, they are reachable to grab, clean and overall form a picture of lady’s boudoir ). Nobody is coming, anyway. I mean, not tonight. I could go out but there was nothing good enough, I mean I have tried it almost all in this city. And it is raining. Bleeeeee.
Let’s imagine a group therapy. Hello, I am Stacey, 23, and I don’t know what I am passionate about. I mean, hobbies, enjoyable activities, strange behaviors, dreadful addictions, favorite singers, life goals, hey, anyone?
I mean, my only criterion is that your suggestion is good enough.
I mean, I have tried a lot so far and nothing was just perfect.
I mean, eliminating is getting us closer to the correct choice, right?
However, I am certain what make me freak out. The correct name of this disaster is opportunity costs, economists say (Oh yeah, I have already tried this, got bored on the 2nd course of Bachelor, though graduated cum laude). This is where learned that it is only me who always struggles with the right decision – once you select one thing to concentrate, you cannot bring your time back to enjoy the other. Sound simple but it is torturing me.
I mean, how on Earth I find one perfect way which makes me not to regret I abandoned other possibilities?
My answer was (and obviously still is) just to try a bit of everything until I find something really worthy. Being anyone to find my real self.
So here I am, with a long list full of crossed out items.
The only one constant of me, is that I am too energetic and keep trying hard. In my home country friends called me “electric broom”.
In this blog I am going to share my experiences, short or long, but each of them – so far – finished with “thanks, but this is not good enough”.
You are very welcome to criticize, make fun and suggest what else I should try!
